Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
