Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
