she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize