We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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