things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's the barista slut.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
