i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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