yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
God I need to hump something, right now.
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