I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
