There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
