Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think i got beer on your cat.
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