i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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