I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
