I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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