His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
