My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
