I didn't shave. On purpose
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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