ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
