man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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