I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
