i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
