she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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