If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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