Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
