Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
