Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize