Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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