What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
