Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
