Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Every concussion has its silver lining
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
