i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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