I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
