So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
