Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
