I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
