Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
