the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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