are you still at the devil's house?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
