It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
