he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
