I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
