I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
