theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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