I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize