Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
