he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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