My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
