Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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