Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
