you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
