Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
