Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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