Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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