i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
