Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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