I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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