Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
