He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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