Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
