If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
